BRISTOL, CT—Saying that the pair could barely take their eyes off one another throughout the hour-long sports news program, ESPN viewers told reporters Friday that it is increasingly clear SportsCenter anchors John Anderson and Matt Barrie are currently dating.
CHICAGO—Still fuming after his team blew a late-inning lead in a loss to the Rays Sunday, White Sox manager Ozzie Guillen filled out Tuesday night's lineup card with a series of expletives, insults, and personal attacks on his players. The lineup card, posted in the dugout at approximately 6 p.m., referred to the team as the "Chicago Shit Sox," and read in part, "1. Orlando Fucking Cabrera, 2. Goddamn Motherfucking Neckless Bastard A.J. Shitbag Pierzynski DUMB!!! FUCK!!!, 3. Jermaine Fucking Gonna Dye Fucking Shit 0-For-5 Shitfuck Fuck Fucking Fucknuts Asshole Just Try Me Motherfucker." Guillen also announced that Nick Shitlicker [Swisher] would be starting in centerfield and Jim Thome would be the "designated fuckface." Upon noticing that "Cocksucking Assbag Motherfucking Shitfucking Numbnuts Fuckhole" was penciled into the No. 4 spot, Paul Konerko expressed delight that he was batting cleanup.