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Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.

Notable Athlete-Branded Products

With sports stars lending their names to everything from furniture to salsa, Onion Sports breaks down some of the most notable athlete-branded products.

MLB Bans Cruel Practice Of Castrating Mascots

NEW YORK—Saying that the “antiquated and barbaric procedure” has no place in modern baseball, MLB commissioner Rob Manfred announced Monday that the league was banning the brutal practice of castrating mascots.

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.
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Future Recruiting Violation Makes Commitment To Michigan

MEMPHIS, TN—During a signing ceremony at his high school's gymnasium Thursday, one of the nation's top recruiting violations made his intent to play basketball for the University of Michigan official. "I'm excited to be part of the Michigan tradition, and I hope to start helping them this year," said the recruiting violation, 19, referring to a season that the NCAA will eventually strip from the record books. "I hope to follow in the rich tradition of Robert Traylor and Chris Webber." Though rumors are already swirling concerning his close ties to wealthy alumni athletic boosters, the recruiting violation expressly and vehemently denied these allegations in a conference call made from his new Porsche Cayenne.

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