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Man Holding Hands With Pregnant Woman Must Have Weird Fetish

RED BANK, NJ—Testing the limits of what even the most progressive onlookers considered publicly acceptable, a man was seen by multiple witnesses Tuesday holding hands with a visibly pregnant woman in what many could only interpret as the expression of a bizarre fetish.

Grandma Looking Like Absolute Shit Lately

VERO BEACH, FL—Unable to ignore the 86-year-old’s dramatic physical decline since they last saw her, sources within the Delahunt family reported Monday that their grandmother Shirley is looking like absolute shit lately.

A Basic Guide To Dream Interpretation

Dreaming is a universal human experience, and many similar themes arise in people’s dreams the world over. The Onion provides some context for interpreting these common dreams:
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Gallant Amazon User Heroically Defends 'Fringe' Season 2 Box Set From Negative Reviewers

TEMPE, AZ—Doughty and lionhearted Amazon.com reviewer Jason Lydon, 24, leapt to the defense of the Fringe season two box set Friday, protecting the Fox television series from the brutal comments and cutthroat low ratings of its gravest detractors. “Don’t listen to Agerybay09—Peter’s emotional arc with his father works perfectly with the development of both universes,” the valorous Lydon wrote, staving off assault after assault with the rapier-thrust of each word. “What are these clueless people talking about?? J.J. Abrams didn’t get ‘desperate’ in this season. What he did was break new ground. That’s what makes this show so brilliant and—I don’t care what batgirl_91 says—the only worthy successor to Lost The courageous Amazon user then went on to act as a human shield against falsehood on the “What can you do about hardened brown sugar?” Yahoo! Answers page.

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