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Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

Infographic: 20 Years Of Netflix

Netflix was founded as an online DVD rental service in 1997 and has since evolved into a subscription-based streaming platform with its own slate of original programming. The Onion looks back at the most important moments in the company’s 20-year history.

Musical The Kind With Number About Putting On A Show

TALLAHASSEE, FL—Noting the increasingly animated choreography and behavior of the characters on stage, sources at the Tallahassee Community Theatre reported Friday that this is apparently the kind of musical with a big number about putting on a show.

What To Watch For In The New Obi-Wan Kenobi Film

Disney has announced they are in the early stages of developing a stand-alone ‘Star Wars’ film focused on the adventures of Jedi master Obi-Wan Kenobi. Here’s what fans can expect to see in the upcoming release.
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'Game Of Thrones' Running Out Of Unkempt Old Men To Cast

LOS ANGELES—According to insider sources, the future of HBO's Game Of Thrones is currently in doubt, with the hit fantasy series facing a dire shortage of weather-beaten, bedraggled old men to cast. "A lot of the big crowd scenes in season two really depleted the available pool of greasy-haired bearded actors over 70, and for the sake of continuity we can't really reuse them," executive producer D.B. Weiss said Monday, stressing the importance of having a minimum of one new elderly and disheveled male character in every episode of the epic drama. "I honestly don't know what we're going to do. In the third season, we have at least a dozen war room meetings to film, and you can't shoot a war room meeting without having at least two or three poorly groomed old guys with big, tangly beards hanging around." The Game Of Thrones crisis is the latest in a series of casting woes to beleaguer HBO, which in March announced it had already used up its annual allocation of Steve Buscemi.

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