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What You Need To Know About Last Night’s Oscars Debacle

Many viewers were left wondering about the sequence of events that led to the initial erroneous declaration of ‘La La Land’ as the Best Picture winner at the Academy Awards Sunday instead of the real winner, ‘Moonlight’. The Onion breaks down what you need to know about this fiasco.

Brad Pitt Sidelined 6 To 8 Weeks With Red Carpet Toe

LOS ANGELES—Saying doctors strongly recommended that he stay off the injured foot, representatives for Brad Pitt confirmed to reporters Sunday that the actor was sidelined six to eight weeks with a case of red carpet toe.

The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:
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‘Game Of Thrones’ Season 3 Opens With Every Character Getting Fingered While Discussing Arrival Of Winter

LOS ANGELES—After an extended hiatus, HBO’s Game Of Thrones kicked off its third season last night with a scene featuring every one of the epic fantasy drama’s characters being rapidly fingered as they discussed the arrival of the winter season. “Winter is coming, and with it a dark scourge that shall leave no man untouched, no kingdom unconquered,” says one of the show’s protagonists, Jon Snow, as the characters Catelyn Stark and Mance Rayder rapidly insert their fingers into his rectum while the rest of the show’s extensive cast also expound on the return of winter while having their own anuses and vaginas vigorously fingered. “These are dark days that await us, brethren. May the gods show us mercy, if indeed mercy they have.” Though viewer reception to the season premiere has been positive, fans of the hit series were reportedly disappointed that the episode failed to resolve the previous season’s cliffhanger in which a nude Tyrion Lannister eagerly masturbated a dragon for half an hour.

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