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Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.
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Gamecocks Fan Surprised To Hear That Team Represents a College

COLUMBIA, SC—Speaking with reporters, Columbia resident Mike Wegley, 34, expressed astonishment Saturday upon learning that his favorite football team, the Gamecocks, is in fact a group of amateurs representing the University of South Carolina. “Huh. Really? They’re like a college team?” said Wegley, who mentioned that he has attended numerous Gamecocks home games over the past several years without once suspecting that the team was affiliated with an academic institution. “I guess I always assumed they were a local semi-pro team, or maybe an NFL farm program or something. Honestly, it never crossed my mind that the Gamecocks might be in any way involved with higher learning.” Wegley said he was equally surprised to discover the Carolina Panthers are a professional franchise and not, as he had thought, a high school’s junior varsity squad.

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