Garage Band Actually Believes There Is A 'Terre Haute Sound'

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Vol 37 Issue 27

TV Sports' Ratings Slide

Televised sports is in the midst of a decade-long ratings slump. What do you think of the steadily dwindling viewership?

That Guy From That One Show Spotted With The Girl From The Shampoo Ad

LOS ANGELES–According to Hollywood insiders, that guy who plays the doctor with the beard on that one show was spotted at this L.A. restaurant with the blonde chick who takes the shower in the airplane bathroom in that one shampoo commercial. "She was wearing this red, glittery dress," said that blonde Extra reporter who just had a baby. "And the guy was like, 'Hey, I'm dating the shampoo girl.'" The sighting laid to rest rumors that the guy is engaged to that girl who played the waitress in the movie about cars that came out a few weeks ago.

Elementary Schooler Clearly Just Learned To Swear

ALEXANDRIA, LA–Lakeview Elementary School first-grader Ian Schweder has clearly just taken his first steps into the world of swearing, classroom sources reported Monday. "He must've just seen a sweary movie," classmate Caitlin Lorenz said. "He always runs around the playground yelling, 'Fucky fucky shit fuck,' and dirty stuff like that." In the past two days, Schweder has composed a ribald song titled "Shit Shit Boobies," covered three sheets of notebook paper with scatological malediction, and attempted to tell a joke about "a girl who saw a boy's pussy."

Richard Grieco's Star Power Inadvertently Donated To Goodwill

LOS ANGELES–Former 21 Jump Street and Booker star Richard Grieco accidentally gave his star power to charity Monday, when a truck collecting for Goodwill Industries of Southern California made off with his charisma. "I just told the driver to help himself to whatever was in the garage," said the 36-year-old Grieco, star of 1991's If Looks Could Kill. "I had no idea my star power was in there." Grieco attempted to buy back his celebrity magnetism at the La Brea Avenue Goodwill store several hours later, only to be told that Jorge Reyes of East Los Angeles had purchased it for $4.

Senate Votes To Add Gratuity To All Bills Of Eight Provisions Or More

WASHINGTON, DC–By a 74-20 margin, the U.S. Senate approved a resolution Monday guaranteeing lawmakers a 15 percent gratuity for all bills containing eight provisions or more. "Some of the bills around here run into the billions," U.S. Sen. Sam Brownback (R-KS) said. "This is our way of making sure we don't get stiffed." Later that day, Brownback received an $825 million gratuity on a $5.3 billion arms-appropriation bill he authored.

Slain Cop Had Only 37 Years Until Retirement

DETROIT–In a tragic twist of fate, Detroit police officer Stephen Brophy was cut down in the line of duty Monday, just 37 years before he was to retire. "Just yesterday, Stephen was talking about all the plans he and his wife had for 2038," said officer Pete Driscoll, Brophy's short-time partner, who was with the 28-year-old when he was fatally shot by an armed robber. "They were going to tour the country in an RV or maybe build a house in Maine, right after Stephen wrapped up his last four decades on the force." Added Driscoll: "His greatest wish was to see his daughter get married. Or his son if it was a boy."
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Little League Pitcher Just Getting Fucking Shelled

RED BANK, NJ—After watching the 11-year-old give up the fourth straight double that inning, sources confirmed Sunday afternoon that local Little League pitcher Dustin Bauer is getting absolutely fucking shelled out there.

Garage Band Actually Believes There Is A 'Terre Haute Sound'

TERRE HAUTE, IN–The members of The Weebles, a local garage band formed in 1998, actually believe there is something called the "Terre Haute Sound," sources reported Monday.

The Weebles' Gaspart, Murn, and Thompson.

"It's great," said Weebles bassist Gary Gaspart, 22, speaking from the band's practice space in guitarist/vocalist Jonah Thompson's parents' garage. "The scene is so supportive. It's all about helping each other out, going to the other bands' shows. We're really building on the Terre Haute Sound in ways that are going to blow it up, and I mean wide."

The Terre Haute Sound is described by Gaspart as "a bit of NOFX, some revved-up psychobilly country a la Reverend Horton Heat or The Supersuckers, and some analog synthesizer thrown in just to keep it fresh." He emphasized that the definition is by no means binding, and that virtually anyone who chooses to become part of the Terre Haute Sound is welcome.

"We've got all sorts of bands in the THS," Gaspart said. "There's Cutie, who are sort of a psychedelicized version of Op Ivy with a hint of Cheap Trick-style power-pop thrown in. Then there's Spongebob Fuxx, which does grindcore ballads. And you can't forget The Vagina Splits, who are like Bratmobile but with more attitude. The Splits may be girls, but they rock harder than most of the guy bands around."

"Not that there's anything wrong with the guy bands here," Gaspart added. "It's all about scene unity."

Asked which local bands would not be considered part of the Terre Haute Sound, Thompson struggled to come up with one.

"Bottom line, we all just like to rock," Thompson said. "I think that's what sets Terre Haute apart from the Danvilles and West Lafayettes of the world. That and the fact that a lot of us have the same drummer."

According to Thompson, though the Terre Haute Sound is the product of many musical influences, one particular band casts the longest shadow.

"No question, the Terre Haute Sound wouldn't even exist without The Larry Byrds," Thompson said. "They were the first on the scene, and in my mind, they'll always be the best."

"Fuck, yeah," agreed Weebles, Spongebob Fuxx, and Introversion drummer Dave Murn, 23. "Back in '92, when I was in eighth grade, I saw The Larry Byrds play an all-ages show at the Elks Lodge, and they completely blew me away. Those guys paved the way for all the Terre Haute bands to come. Without them, there is no Weebles."

The Larry Byrds, a trio of Indiana State University students, broke up in September 1994 when lead singer Elliott Greene moved to Berkeley, CA, to attend graduate school. Copies of the band's sole release, the out-of-print 1993 split single "Tempest In A Teacup," backed by The Draincloggers' cover of Mr. Mister's "Kyrie," has fetched up to $2.99 in cutout bins of Terre Haute-area record stores.

In the years since, the recorded output of Terre Haute Sound bands has been limited to three releases. Two have been compilation CDs, 1997's Terror Haute and 1999's Return Of Terror Haute: A Tribute To The Larry Byrds. The third, a 2000 eponymous release by Cutie, was printed in a limited run of 3,200 copies. All three albums were issued by Terror Haute, the local label run by Gaspart.

"There's just so much talent in this town," Gaspart said. "A few weeks ago, The Weebles and a few other Terror Haute bands went down to Evansville to do a label-showcase gig. Tons of people were coming up to us after the show, saying how amazing all of us Terre Haute bands were. They were totally going off about how distinctive and cool our sound was. This one guy said that, anyway."

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