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Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Archaeologists Uncover Last Human To Die Happy

DEMBECHA, ETHIOPIA—In a startling find that contributes significantly to the understanding of modern man’s evolutionary development, University of Edinburgh archaeologists working in Ethiopia’s Afar Region announced Wednesday that they have uncovered the preserved remains of the last human to die happy.
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Garden State Some Poor Fuck's Favorite Movie

LOS ANGELES—Despite the existence of cinema classics such as Citizen Kane, The Godfather, and Seven Samurai, the 2004 film Garden State starring Zach Braff and Natalie Portman is some poor fuck's favorite movie, according to a posting on imdb.com.

"I thought the interplay between the main characters was beautiful, and the soundtrack was amazing," wrote the miserable bastard after another post called the film "self-indulgent" and "annoying." "It's this cynical society's snap reaction to dislike a movie about finding one's true self. I honestly cry every time he gets off that plane."

The sad sack of shit was swiftly put in his place by another IMDb user, who argued that the film was just a "knockoff" of superior predecessors, such as You've Got Mail.

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