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MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.
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Gary Bettman Wondering If He Really Has To Attend Every Game Of Stanley Cup Finals

NEW YORK—With the Stanley Cup finals quickly approaching, NHL commissioner Gary Bettman told reporters Monday that he’s starting to wonder if he actually has to attend every single game of the championship series. “There’s no way people are seriously expecting me to go to all of these games, right? That would be ridiculous,” said Bettman, adding that he “[has] better things to do” than sit through up to seven hockey matchups from beginning to end. “I definitely have to show up for Game 1—that’s a given—but after that I figure I can just go to the later games where one of the teams has a chance to clinch it. And I’ll probably arrive in the second or third period for those. Really, I’m not about to spend any more time with this than I have to.” Bettman added that he had already watched a total of five hockey games this season, “which [was] more than enough.”

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