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Mom In Nightgown Mode

APPLETON, WI—Noting that the changeover occurred “right on schedule” after she had finished the dishes and watched TV for an hour or two, family sources confirmed Monday night that local mom Linda Rampling had officially transitioned into nightgown mode.

Car Rolls Up To Stoplight Blasting Google Maps Directions

HOUSTON—Attracting the attention of adjacent motorists and nearby pedestrians who turned their heads to see where the booming noise was coming from, a 2006 Ford Focus is said to have rolled up to a local stoplight Friday blaring Google Maps directions.

34-Year-Old Asks For Big Piece

MADISON, WI—Directing the server to the large square in the corner, local 34-year-old Matthew Hinke asked for a big piece of cake during a workplace birthday party, sources confirmed Tuesday.
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Gas Station Clerk Glad To See Pump 2 Doing So Well Today

BOONEVILLE, MS—Surveying the eight gas pumps from his post behind the counter at the Walker Avenue Shell station, local clerk Marvin Peters told reporters he was especially pleased to see pump 2 performing so well among customers Thursday. “Pump 2 definitely gets short shrift because it’s not the easiest to pull into and doesn’t have a window wash station, so it’s always nice when 2 pulls in the numbers it really deserves,” said Peters, noting that he had been happy to see the trusty old fueling site “really take off” with several sedans and even a couple gas-guzzling vans a few hours into his morning shift. “You expect pump 4 or 8 to get this level of traffic, sure. And obviously nothing is ever going to measure up to pump 5—clearly 5 is the most popular pump, and that’s never going to change. But good ol’ 2? Well, it has a little something special. It’s nice to see an underdog get its due every once in a while.” After taking one more fond glimpse at the pump, Peters then reportedly shook his head and chuckled warmly to himself as he watched some naive young fellow hauling a boat attempt to snake his way into pump 6.

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