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Gatorade Releases New Performance Suppository

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Gatorade Releases New Performance Suppository

CHICAGO—Gatorade officials unveiled Tuesday the newest product in its G Series line of drinks and supplements, G Push, a performance-enhancing suppository engineered in the company’s sports laboratory to hydrate and energize athletes for a full digestive cycle. “G Push has the electrolytes of four 20-ounce Gatorades in one, easily inserted gelatin capsule,” Gatorade’s director of marketing Alfie Brody told reporters, debuting the first trio of suppository flavors: Arctic Chill, Watermelon Thrust, and Lemon-Lime. “At Gatorade, we’re continually trying to innovate new ways to improve athletic performance, and we think G Push is about to revolutionize the way we amp ourselves up for competition.” The product’s new commercial reportedly features a smiling LeBron James holding a G Push suppository in his palm before the screen suddenly goes dark and text appears reading, “G Push: Is it in you?”

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