Gay Couple Has Banal Sex

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Vol 44 Issue 26

Right To Own Guns Upheld

In its first interpretation of the Second Amendment in 80 years, the Supreme Court overturned Washington D.C.'s gun ban, stating that Americans had the right to own handguns. What do you think?

George Takei To Wed Partner

Following California's legalization of gay marriage, George Takei, best known as Sulu on Star Trek, has applied to marry his longtime partner....
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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  • The Onion’s Guide To Gym Etiquette

    Every new year brings a surge in gym membership from new members nicknamed “resolutionists,” many of whom may be unaware that there are unspoken rules everyone must observe when working out.

Gay Couple Has Banal Sex

MINNEAPOLIS—Jerome Ostrowski and Barry Lipner engaged in the practice of banal sex Monday, sources reported. "After we got home from Don Giovanni's, the restaurant we go to pretty much every Monday night, Barry started giving me one of his predictable mood-setting backrubs," Ostrowski said. "After five minutes of that, he mounted me and put in a hundred or so quick thrusts. All in all, not one of our more memorable encounters." Lipner said that Ostrowski's reciprocal act of fellatio was "serviceable."

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