Gay Teen Still Going To Buy LeBron James Jersey

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Vol 49 Issue 18

Tuesday, May 14

Author and ecologist Michael Strandley will be at the Cameron Library on Tuesday discussing his lifelong work with bears and why he thinks they’re overrated.

No One In Limo Going To Prom With The One They Wanted

INDEPENDENCE, MO—None of the six students in the white stretch limousine presently en route to Harry Truman High School’s senior prom are attending the event with the person they wanted to be their date, sources reported this evening.
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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Man Considers Nodding Approvingly After Friend’s Drink Purchase

MEQUON, WI—Seeking to convey his endorsement of his acquaintance's selection at local bar Coney's Draft House this evening, area man Thomas Dodge told reporters that he was considering nodding approvingly at his friend’s alcoholic beverage pur...

Gay Teen Still Going To Buy LeBron James Jersey

LAWRENCEVILLE, NJ—After learning NBA center Jason Collins became the first active player from a major American team sport to come out as a homosexual, gay 15-year-old Kyle Morgan confirmed Monday that he still plans to buy a LeBron James Miami Heat jersey. “That’s great for Collins and all that, but have you seen LeBron this season? The guy is amazing,” said the gay teenager, noting that James will “go down as the greatest NBA player of all time when all is said and done.” “He can shoot, he can pass, he can defend every position—he can do everything. And he’s absolutely unstoppable when he’s driving to the rim. As soon as I have enough money, I’m definitely getting a Heat away jersey with ‘James’ on the back.” While Morgan confirmed that he proudly supports Collins’ decision to come out, the gay teen told reporters that James is “far and away [his] biggest role model.”

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