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The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:

A Timeline Of The EPA

A recently introduced House bill that would dissolve the Environmental Protection Agency questions the value of what this agency does and what its goals are. The Onion provides a timeline of the EPA’s 47-year history:
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General Mills Releases New Lucky Charms With 15 Percent Less Leprechaun Meat

MINNEAPOLIS—Saying that Lucky Charms is "as magically delicious as ever but now lower in magically saturated fats," General Mills announced Friday it would begin making the cereal with 15 percent less leprechaun meat.

"Lucky Charms will still have the same great taste and marshmallowy goodness, but now only the tastiest, leanest parts of the leprechaun will be used," a press release read in part, noting that the Lucky Charms recipe had not changed since 1964, when leprechaun meat was first added as an emulsifier. "As always, we use only natural colorings and flavorings in our cereals, which is why you may still sometimes find a wee hat in your bowl." The announcement comes only weeks after General Mills discontinued the use of ground rhinoceros in Wheaties.

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