Genetically-Modified Food Activity Around The Nation

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Area Dad Thinks Refs Should Just Let Them Play Football

DOYLESTOWN, PA—Facetiously questioning how the game had suddenly become a non-contact sport, local father Aaron Harper confirmed his belief Thursday that referees officiating a Thanksgiving game between the Philadelphia Eagles and Detroit Lions should just let them play football out there.
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Genetically-Modified Food Activity Around The Nation

Produce-related anomalies seem to be on the rise in America. Some examples of unusual activity by genetically modified crops reported in the past 12 months:

  • Large pumpkin dry heaves in fear as two young children attempt to take it home for Halloween (Piedmont, OK)
  • Carrot calls farmer a "motherfucker" after being pulled from the ground (Sequim, WA)
  • Avocado has panic attack while questioning its own existence (Temecula, CA)
  • Bushel of wheat organizes a protest against its own harvest (Madison, WI)
  • Mushrooms hiss and snap at salad bar patrons attempting to grab them with tongs (Portland, ME)
  • Strawberry quietly asks elderly woman making strawberry pie whether there's a heaven for strawberries (Fort Mill, SC)