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Best Sports Video Games Of All Time

With titles such as ‘FIFA 17’ and ’NBA 2K17’ expected to be popular gifts this holiday season, Onion Sports looks back on some of the best sports video games of all time.

Can Trump Follow Through On His Campaign Promises?

President-elect Donald Trump made a variety of lofty promises during his campaign as part of a pledge to “make America great again.” The Onion looks at several of these promises and evaluates whether Trump will be willing or able to follow through on them.

Being A Mom Was The Best Four Years Of My Life!

As I get older, I find myself reflecting on my life more often and marveling at what an amazing journey it’s been. I’ve made tons of great friends, been to magnificent places all over the world, and learned so many important things about myself along the way. But if I’m being honest, there’s one period of my life that stands out from all the rest: those four incredible years when I was a mom.
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Genetically-Modified Food Activity Around The Nation

Produce-related anomalies seem to be on the rise in America. Some examples of unusual activity by genetically modified crops reported in the past 12 months:

  • Large pumpkin dry heaves in fear as two young children attempt to take it home for Halloween (Piedmont, OK)
  • Carrot calls farmer a "motherfucker" after being pulled from the ground (Sequim, WA)
  • Avocado has panic attack while questioning its own existence (Temecula, CA)
  • Bushel of wheat organizes a protest against its own harvest (Madison, WI)
  • Mushrooms hiss and snap at salad bar patrons attempting to grab them with tongs (Portland, ME)
  • Strawberry quietly asks elderly woman making strawberry pie whether there's a heaven for strawberries (Fort Mill, SC)

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