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‘The Princess Bride’ By The Numbers

‘The Princess Bride’ was released 30 years ago today, and it has since become a classic beloved by people of all ages. ‘The Onion’ looks back at ‘The Princess Bride’ 30 years later.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

Infographic: 20 Years Of Netflix

Netflix was founded as an online DVD rental service in 1997 and has since evolved into a subscription-based streaming platform with its own slate of original programming. The Onion looks back at the most important moments in the company’s 20-year history.

Musical The Kind With Number About Putting On A Show

TALLAHASSEE, FL—Noting the increasingly animated choreography and behavior of the characters on stage, sources at the Tallahassee Community Theatre reported Friday that this is apparently the kind of musical with a big number about putting on a show.
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George Clooney Beginning To Think He Should Buy His Own Tuxedo

LOS ANGELES—Saying he didn't want to go overboard but thought it would be a pretty good investment considering his line of work, veteran actor George Clooney told reporters Wednesday he's been thinking about just going ahead and buying his own tuxedo. "At first I thought I wouldn't need one, but I walk into a rental store around 175 times a year, and even the guys there say, 'Why don't you just buy one already?'" Clooney told People magazine, explaining that he spent more than $300,000 last year renting the same black Giorgio Armani. "That makes sense, because I'd get a lot of mileage out of it, and after a while, it would probably pay for itself. Maybe I'll wait and see if I get invited to the Oscars this year, just in case." Clooney added that because he travels so frequently, he is also considering buying a car instead of using a bus pass.

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Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

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