George Clooney Beginning To Think He Should Buy His Own Tuxedo

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Vol 48 Issue 27

Giraffes Of The Kalahari

Discovery 8:00 p.m. EDT/7:00 p.m. CDT With the help of photography and narration, viewers will get a little smarter in the giraffe department.

Dana Alvarez and Ryan Coffman

Dana Alvarez and Ryan Coffman tied the knot Saturday night at Beef ‘O’ Brady’s just to get that drunken Unification Church officiate off their goddamn backs.

The Rookie

ABC 9:00 p.m. EDT/8:00 p.m. CDT In tonight's season-four finale, everyone agrees that while, yes, Detective Sergeant is in his fourth year and should no longer be considered a rookie on the force, they will continue to consider him a rookie, because the ...

Obama Slips 'Hope' Into Speech For The Fans

A string of poorly received performances forces a sock puppet to return to a foot, a study shows that 85% of Americans don't know all of the dance moves to the national anthem, and Keith Richards' housekeeper has braced herself for finding a dead body eve...
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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FIFA Frantically Announces 2015 Summer World Cup In United States

ZURICH—After the Justice Department indicted numerous executives from world soccer’s governing body on charges of corruption and bribery, frantic and visibly nervous officials from FIFA held an impromptu press conference Wednesday to announce that the United States has been selected to host this summer’s 2015 World Cup.

George Clooney Beginning To Think He Should Buy His Own Tuxedo

LOS ANGELES—Saying he didn't want to go overboard but thought it would be a pretty good investment considering his line of work, veteran actor George Clooney told reporters Wednesday he's been thinking about just going ahead and buying his own tuxedo. "At first I thought I wouldn't need one, but I walk into a rental store around 175 times a year, and even the guys there say, 'Why don't you just buy one already?'" Clooney told People magazine, explaining that he spent more than $300,000 last year renting the same black Giorgio Armani. "That makes sense, because I'd get a lot of mileage out of it, and after a while, it would probably pay for itself. Maybe I'll wait and see if I get invited to the Oscars this year, just in case." Clooney added that because he travels so frequently, he is also considering buying a car instead of using a bus pass.

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