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Greatest Super Bowl Halftime Shows

The Super Bowl halftime show is a long tradition as occasionally exciting as the game itself. The Onion takes a look back at the all-time greatest Super Bowl halftime shows.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of January 31, 2017

Aries: They say there’s nothing quite like the bond between a mother and her child, but then they have yet to see your experimental new adhesive compound. Taurus: The stars, in their infinite wisdom, recommend that you check yourself this week, as not doing so might lead you to wreck yourself in the future.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of January 24, 2017

Aquarius No offense, but when got into this business, dealing with empty and meaningless futures like yours sure as hell wasn’t what it had in mind. Pisces Though you’ve been told that dressing up once in a while wouldn’t kill you, the coroner’s report this week will contain evidence to the contrary.
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George Jefferson Honored For Black Television History Month

BURBANK, CA—George Jefferson, the gruff and opinionated African-American character who debuted on All In The Family in 1973, will be honored in a series of television spots celebrating Black Televsion History Month. "George Jefferson proved that a black man can 'move on up' in the TV world if he stays true to his beliefs and works hard on TV," said Spike Lee, who will direct the 60-second spots honoring Jefferson. "He wasn't a perfect husband to Weezy or a perfect boss to his maid, Florence, but he paved the way for the black television characters who would follow." Actor Sherman Hemsley, who played Jefferson, will not be honored.
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Your Horoscopes — Week Of January 31, 2017

Aries: They say there’s nothing quite like the bond between a mother and her child, but then they have yet to see your experimental new adhesive compound. Taurus: The stars, in their infinite wisdom, recommend that you check yourself this week, as not doing so might lead you to wreck yourself in the future.

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