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OB-GYN Assures Serena Williams Fetus Developing Serve On Schedule

WEST PALM BEACH, FL—Observing that the unborn child was producing the smooth, fluid strokes expected in the third trimester, ob-gyn Dr. Theresa Umbers reportedly assured world No. 4–ranked tennis player Serena Williams at an appointment Tuesday that her fetus was developing its serve right on schedule.

New Report Finds MMA Could Be Bad For Your Knees

LOS ANGELES—Following a 10-year study of more than 500 professional and amateur fighters, a report released Thursday by the UCLA Department of Physiology found that mixed martial arts could be bad for your knees.

Mr. Met’s Son Beginning To Think He Adopted

NEW YORK—Pointing out that there was little physical resemblance between himself and the rest of his family, the 10-year-old son of New York Mets mascot Mr. Met told reporters Tuesday that he was beginning to think he was adopted.

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.
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George Mason Player Upsets Mother With Last-Second Long-Distance Call From Way Downtown

INDIANAPOLIS—George Mason reserve point guard Roland Farragut chalked up a stunning upset of his mother Wednesday night when he made a last-second long-distance phone call from all the way downtown after a desperate attempt to score. "Never in a million years did I think I would live to see this," said Audrey Farragut, who said she was "monumentally, unbelievably disappointed" by her son's improbable telephone call from a downtown Indianapolis police station, made just moments before the final buzzer sounded at the precinct and arresting officers took Farragut for preliminary booking. "They said my Roland had no business playing with the big boys, and after this shocker, I'm beginning to think they were right. Mark my words, we'll be talking about this one for years to come." Those close to the Farraguts have said the prayer Roland sent up brought Mrs. Farragut to her feet, and are describing her condition as completely stunned and still unable to believe that this really happened.

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New Report Finds MMA Could Be Bad For Your Knees

LOS ANGELES—Following a 10-year study of more than 500 professional and amateur fighters, a report released Thursday by the UCLA Department of Physiology found that mixed martial arts could be bad for your knees.

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