George R. R. Martin Kills Off Whole Family

In This Section

Vol 49 Issue 24

More White Americans Dying Than Being Born

According to the U.S. Census Bureau, for the first time in modern history, more white Americans are dying than being born, with whites predicted to fall below 50 percent of the population by 2043.

NSA: Surveillance Thwarted ‘Dozens’ Of Terrorist Acts

The NSA chief claimed that his agency’s phone and internet surveillance programs had stopped “dozens” of acts of terrorism, and the FBI director added that, had the programs been in place at the time, the government could have also preve...
End Of Section
  • More News
TV Listings
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Special Coverage

Business

Pop Culture

Man Commits To New TV Show Just Hours After Getting Out Of 7-Season Series

UNION CITY, NJ—Recommending that he give himself the chance to pause and explore the other options out there, friends of local man Jonathan Gember expressed their concerns to reporters Wednesday that the 29-year-old is already committing to a new television show just hours after getting out of a seven-season-long series.

George R. R. Martin Kills Off Whole Family

SANTA FE, NM—In yet another stunning twist that has reportedly shocked fans and law enforcement officials alike, fantasy author George R.R. Martin surprised Game Of Thrones viewers Sunday night by killing off his entire family, sources confirmed. “Wow, I definitely did not see that coming,” said Atlanta man Todd Franklin after learning that the A Song Of Ice And Fire scribe had mercilessly butchered his wife, two sisters, and countless members of his extended family in cold blood after locking them inside his Santa Fe residence. “To think that he slit the throats of all those major relatives like that, in the blink of an eye, it’s just crazy. He definitely keeps you on your toes, that’s for sure.” While fans of the HBO series were blindsided by the unexpected and brutal murders, longtime readers of Martin’s books told reporters that they were not at all surprised to see the novelist commit such atrocities, as that’s exactly what he did to several other close friends and relatives 12 years ago.

Next Story

Onion Video

Watch More