WESTWOOD, CA—In a deft and ruthless display of the utmost cunning, local woman Anne Kaminski added the phrase ‘No gifts, please’ to the bottom of her birthday party invitation, sources confirmed Friday.
NEW YORK—Following the latest in a series of animated outbursts by Yankee co-chairman Hank Steinbrenner, a tirade in which he said that "only an idiot" would not start Joba Chamberlain, comparatively laid-back Yankee owner George Steinbrenner advised his sons to "calm down" and "not make any rash decisions." "It's just a game," Steinbrenner said in a statement released by his spokesman Howard Rubenstein. "Honestly, who cares if the Yankees lose a couple? It's not the end of the world. As long as everyone is having fun...that's the important thing." Steinbrenner added that he is no longer requiring the Yankees to win the World Series, but that if they are eliminated in the ALDS, Joe Girardi will be out of a job and Brian Cashman will be executed before a firing squad.