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The Pros And Cons Of Gene Editing

Recent advancements in gene editing have introduced a number of exciting possibilities for human advancement and raised difficult ethical questions. The Onion breaks down the pros and cons of gene editing.

Tips For Back-To-School Shopping

As kids prepare to go back to school, parents are tasked with providing all the supplies and clothes they’ll need for the year. Here are The Onion’s tips for tackling back-to-school shopping.

Report: Sky Normal Today

WASHINGTON—Informing citizens there really wasn’t anything special going on up there, the nation’s scientists confirmed the sky is normal today.
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George Zimmerman Offers To Just Plead Guilty And Pay Fine Or Whatever

SANFORD, FL—Claiming that his second-degree murder trial has “dragged on for way too long,” sources confirmed Thursday that former neighborhood watch volunteer George Zimmerman offered to just plead guilty and pay the fine or whatever. “Look, I’m sick of having to deal with this, so just let me pay the 100 bucks or whatever it is and I’ll be on my way,” said Zimmerman, noting that he has already wasted three weeks in court fighting his murder charge in the February 2012 shooting death of unarmed 17-year-old Trayvon Martin. “At this point, I don’t even care anymore. I’ll take the slap on the wrist if it means I can get back to my life. And if I have to do community service or something then, fine, I’ll do that too.” Zimmerman added that he really needed to wrap things up by tomorrow at the latest, since he has “already missed way too many days of work for this stupid thing.”

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