George Zimmerman Offers To Just Plead Guilty And Pay Fine Or Whatever

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George Zimmerman

George Zimmerman Wins Florida State Lottery

SANFORD, FL—Just days after being fully acquitted for his role in the shooting death of Trayvon Martin, George Zimmerman reportedly won the $37 million Florida Lottery jackpot last night.

The Case For And Against George Zimmerman

FOR Typed, signed letter from Martin confirming he attacked Zimmerman Americans have soft spot for nation’s rugged, rawly sexual neighborhood watch volunteers Actions fall within the letter of Florida’s “Get Out Of Your Car, Trac...
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Ice Cream Truck Driver Going To Let These Kids Sweat A Little Bit Before Stopping

MILWAUKEE—Admitting that he’ll never get tired of looking in his rearview mirror and seeing their little legs going at full speed as they struggle to catch up to him, local ice cream truck driver Derek Kenney said that he once again planned on making the children on Maple Avenue sweat it out a little bit before stopping his vehicle.

George Zimmerman Offers To Just Plead Guilty And Pay Fine Or Whatever

SANFORD, FL—Claiming that his second-degree murder trial has “dragged on for way too long,” sources confirmed Thursday that former neighborhood watch volunteer George Zimmerman offered to just plead guilty and pay the fine or whatever. “Look, I’m sick of having to deal with this, so just let me pay the 100 bucks or whatever it is and I’ll be on my way,” said Zimmerman, noting that he has already wasted three weeks in court fighting his murder charge in the February 2012 shooting death of unarmed 17-year-old Trayvon Martin. “At this point, I don’t even care anymore. I’ll take the slap on the wrist if it means I can get back to my life. And if I have to do community service or something then, fine, I’ll do that too.” Zimmerman added that he really needed to wrap things up by tomorrow at the latest, since he has “already missed way too many days of work for this stupid thing.”