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German Team Hoping To Lift Nation’s Spirit Following Reports Of 5% Unemployment

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German Team Hoping To Lift Nation’s Spirit Following Reports Of 5% Unemployment

RIO DE JANEIRO—Aspiring to provide a boost for the beaten down nation, members of the Germany national soccer team expressed hope Tuesday that a victory over Brazil in the World Cup semifinals will help lift up their countrymen following reports that their current unemployment rate sits at 5 percent. “A win today would mean so much to Germany during tough times like these,” said midfielder Thomas Muller, confirming that a strong showing on the pitch has the potential to offer a much-needed escape, if only for one afternoon, to a country currently facing the bitter reality of ranking behind four other nations on the Human Development Index. “We know that we can’t change the fact that our average countryman’s life expectancy is 80.89 years, or that we’re still waiting on a high-speed rail line to connect Hanau and Gelnhausen. But maybe, in some small way, we can use this game today to remind everyone that it is still a great thing to be a German.” Muller added that he and the team intend on praying before the game for the growing segment of the German population reportedly dissatisfied with their universal health care.

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