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Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.

Sixth Super Bowl Win Continues To Elude Patriots

HOUSTON—As disappointed players and coaches returned to the locker room following the end of Super Bowl LI, members of the New England Patriots acknowledged to reporters Sunday that the team’s sixth Super Bowl title continues to elude them.

Greatest Super Bowl Halftime Shows

The Super Bowl halftime show is a long tradition as occasionally exciting as the game itself. The Onion takes a look back at the all-time greatest Super Bowl halftime shows.

NFL Loses Rights To ‘Super Bowl’

NEW YORK—After failing to agree to terms for a new licensing agreement before the February 3 deadline, the NFL lost the rights to the term “Super Bowl” on Friday, sources confirmed.
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German Team Hoping To Lift Nation’s Spirit Following Reports Of 5% Unemployment

RIO DE JANEIRO—Aspiring to provide a boost for the beaten down nation, members of the Germany national soccer team expressed hope Tuesday that a victory over Brazil in the World Cup semifinals will help lift up their countrymen following reports that their current unemployment rate sits at 5 percent. “A win today would mean so much to Germany during tough times like these,” said midfielder Thomas Muller, confirming that a strong showing on the pitch has the potential to offer a much-needed escape, if only for one afternoon, to a country currently facing the bitter reality of ranking behind four other nations on the Human Development Index. “We know that we can’t change the fact that our average countryman’s life expectancy is 80.89 years, or that we’re still waiting on a high-speed rail line to connect Hanau and Gelnhausen. But maybe, in some small way, we can use this game today to remind everyone that it is still a great thing to be a German.” Muller added that he and the team intend on praying before the game for the growing segment of the German population reportedly dissatisfied with their universal health care.

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