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Sports

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.

Notable Athlete-Branded Products

With sports stars lending their names to everything from furniture to salsa, Onion Sports breaks down some of the most notable athlete-branded products.

MLB Bans Cruel Practice Of Castrating Mascots

NEW YORK—Saying that the “antiquated and barbaric procedure” has no place in modern baseball, MLB commissioner Rob Manfred announced Monday that the league was banning the brutal practice of castrating mascots.

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.
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Get To Know The OSN Girlfriend Analysts

Brenda Kenyon
-Boyfriend: Dominick Mirk
-Length of Relationship: 1 year, 10 months
-How Do You Feel About Sports: "They really are tremendous athletes, and I love how they play hard. I LOVE going to a game, drinking a beer and eating some nachos and being all sportsy! They're paid way too much but no more than movie stars or magicians. I don't really like baseball, it's way too slow and boring."

Lisa Cantrell
-Boyfriend: Evan Jackson
-Length of Relationship: 4 months
-How Do You Feel About Sports: "Honestly, I don't have much time for sports, though I do pay attention to all the lockout news, since I'm specializing in labor law and stuff. I think they hit each other TOO HARD and they should take it easy out there. I once told Evan that they should just build robots to play football and hit each other, but he said that was silly and no one would want to watch it. But I would watch it."

Vicky Houle
-Boyfriend: Edgar Weaver
-Length of Relationship: 3 years, 8 months
-How Do You Feel About Sports: "I don't think they're a total waste of time or anything, but I can think of about a million things I'd rather do. Taking a walk, traveling. I like watching track though, there's something very pure about just watching men and women run as fast as they can with no arbitrary rules about bouncing a ball or 'offsides'. I do prefer reading though and everyone should make time to read a book, especially Edgar."

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