adBlockCheck

Recent News

Fermilab Receives Generous Anonymous Particle Donation

BATAVIA, IL—Calling it the most substantial private donation the research facility has received in years, officials at the Fermi National Accelerator Laboratory announced Monday that an anonymous benefactor had given them a generous particle donation.

God Excited About First Trip To Japan

THE HEAVENS—After years of talking about visiting the East Asian country, God, Our Lord and Heavenly Father, told reporters Monday that He was excited to finally be taking His first trip to Japan.
End Of Section
  • More News

Getting Everyone Together

It can be hard to organize a large group and reach a consensus on where to go. Here are some ways to make it easier:

  • Take turns: One week the group goes to your favorite sports bar, the next week to your friend's favorite sports bar.
  • Try to pick a location that is accessible for all of your friends, but inaccessible for all of your enemies.
  • Why not try an Evite? Because they're fucking obnoxious and no one ever reads them, that's why.
  • Don't always let the bowler in the group have his way.
  • Make sure you don’t go to the place that burned down last week. They may be looking for you.

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close