Getting Everyone Together

Top Headlines

Recent News

Cake Just Sitting There

Take It

CHICAGO—Assuring you that there was nothing to worry about and not a soul around who would see you, sources confirmed Tuesday that a large piece of chocolate cake was just sitting there and that you should go ahead and take it.

Where Your Political Donation Goes

With over $1 billion spent in the 2016 presidential race alone, campaign donations continue to cause much controversy and even confusion for their role in shaping politics. Here is a step-by-step guide to how the average American’s political donation travels through a campaign

Roommate Skulking Around Edge Of Party Like Victorian Ghost Child

SEATTLE—Appearing initially in the far corner of the living room and then several minutes later on the threshold between the kitchen and the hallway, local roommate Kelsey Stahl was, by multiple accounts, seen skulking around the edge of a house party Friday like a Victorian ghost child.

Fact-Checking The Third Presidential Debate

Presidential nominees Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump sparred over subjects including foreign policy, the economy, and their fitness to hold the nation’s highest office in the final debate Wednesday. The Onion examines the validity of their assertions
End Of Section
  • More News
Up Next

Getting Everyone Together

It can be hard to organize a large group and reach a consensus on where to go. Here are some ways to make it easier:

  • Take turns: One week the group goes to your favorite sports bar, the next week to your friend's favorite sports bar.
  • Try to pick a location that is accessible for all of your friends, but inaccessible for all of your enemies.
  • Why not try an Evite? Because they're fucking obnoxious and no one ever reads them, that's why.
  • Don't always let the bowler in the group have his way.
  • Make sure you don’t go to the place that burned down last week. They may be looking for you.


Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close