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What To Watch For In The New Obi-Wan Kenobi Film

Disney has announced they are in the early stages of developing a stand-alone ‘Star Wars’ film focused on the adventures of Jedi master Obi-Wan Kenobi. Here’s what fans can expect to see in the upcoming release.

Man In Center Of Political Spectrum Under Impression He Less Obnoxious

MT. VERNON, OH—Loudly explaining to anyone within earshot that both the left and right were ruining the level of discourse in this country, Jesse Levin, a man firmly in the center of the political spectrum, is under the impression that he is less obnoxious than those with more partisan viewpoints, sources reported Friday.
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Getting Through Allergy Season

While for most people, spring means life and rebirth, for allergy sufferers, the excess of pollen in the air means watery eyes and runny noses.

Here are some ways to relieve the suffering:

  • First things first: take the dandelion out of your nostril.
  • Wear a quality overcoat with sturdy, absorbent sleeves
  • Avoid getting Michael Pollan anywhere near your face, as that guy and his writings are unbelievably irritating.
  • The pollen that collects in your facial orifices contains a plant's sperm cells. Teach a flowering plant just how unpleasant this is by ejaculating all over it.
  • Completely clear the area around you of pollen by traveling within a phalanx of bees.
  • Cut down on watery eyes by sleeping with them open all night to dry them out.
  • Don't open your eyes or breathe out of your nose till summer.
  • Take it upon yourself to replace the world's pollen grains with hypoallergenic pollen grains.
  • Increase circulation to your sinuses and throat areas by complaining endlessly about your allergies in that nasal little voice of yours.

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