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Pros And Cons Of The Gig Economy

Americans are increasingly using on-demand services, both as workers and consumers. Here are the major benefits and drawbacks of the gig economy.

Frontier Airlines Tells Customers To Just Fucking Deal With It

‘You’re Uncomfortable For A Few Hours And Then You Get To Be Somewhere Else,’ Says CEO

DENVER—Noting that some discomfort should be expected while traveling to a faraway place in just a few goddamn hours, officials from ultra-low-cost carrier Frontier Airlines reportedly told customers Thursday to just fucking deal with it.

Top Family Vacation Spots

With school out for the summer, families are packing up and hitting the road. Here are The Onion’s top family vacation destinations.
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Getting Through Allergy Season

While for most people, spring means life and rebirth, for allergy sufferers, the excess of pollen in the air means watery eyes and runny noses.

Here are some ways to relieve the suffering:

  • First things first: take the dandelion out of your nostril.
  • Wear a quality overcoat with sturdy, absorbent sleeves
  • Avoid getting Michael Pollan anywhere near your face, as that guy and his writings are unbelievably irritating.
  • The pollen that collects in your facial orifices contains a plant's sperm cells. Teach a flowering plant just how unpleasant this is by ejaculating all over it.
  • Completely clear the area around you of pollen by traveling within a phalanx of bees.
  • Cut down on watery eyes by sleeping with them open all night to dry them out.
  • Don't open your eyes or breathe out of your nose till summer.
  • Take it upon yourself to replace the world's pollen grains with hypoallergenic pollen grains.
  • Increase circulation to your sinuses and throat areas by complaining endlessly about your allergies in that nasal little voice of yours.

More from this section

Frontier Airlines Tells Customers To Just Fucking Deal With It

‘You’re Uncomfortable For A Few Hours And Then You Get To Be Somewhere Else,’ Says CEO

DENVER—Noting that some discomfort should be expected while traveling to a faraway place in just a few goddamn hours, officials from ultra-low-cost carrier Frontier Airlines reportedly told customers Thursday to just fucking deal with it.

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