Helpful Man Saves Woman Effort Of Telling Idea To Boss Herself

ATLANTA—In an unprompted act of generosity from one coworker to another, Spryte Logistics employee Ben Graham reportedly took the initiative to share one of Emily Fehrman’s ideas with their boss on Friday, saving her the time and effort of doing it herself.

Fisher-Price Releases New In Utero Fetal Activity Gym

EAST AURORA, NY—Touting it as the perfect tool for entertaining and stimulating the fetus during gestation, Fisher-Price announced the release Wednesday of a new in utero activity gym. “Whether they’re batting at the friendly toucans in order to harden their cartilage into bone or tapping the multicolored light-up palm tree to test out their sense of vision once their eyes open at 28 weeks, the Fisher-Price Rainforest Friends Prenatal Activity Gym is guaranteed to give your fetus a head start and keep it happy and occupied,” said director of marketing Kevin Goldbaum.

It Kind Of Sweet CEO Thinks He Doing Good Job

SEATTLE—Admitting that the sight of him laying out his vision for the company was pretty endearing, employees at Rainier Solutions reported Monday that it was kind of sweet that CEO Greg Warner thinks he is doing a good job.

How Obamacare Can Be Improved

With Aetna just the latest health insurance provider to opt out of covering Obamacare markets, many are wondering what changes can make the Affordable Care Act more appealing to customers and insurance companies. Here are some proposed improvements

How Internet Clickbait Works

Facebook and other sites have recently begun to fight back against “clickbait,” often misleading internet posts designed to be seen by as many readers as possible. The Onion breaks down the production and spread of this content
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Ghost Of Alvah Roebuck Enjoying The Hell Out Of Sears’ Decline

CHICAGO—Expressing a deep sense of delight and amusement at the corporation’s recently reported $279 million first-quarter loss, the ghost of Alvah C. Roebuck told reporters Monday that he was “really enjoying the hell” out of watching Sears struggle with mounting layoffs and a steadily declining market share. “I have to say, the people in charge these days are complete and utter dimwits, and it’s been an absolute dream come true to watch that turd of a company go down in flames,” said the broadly smiling apparition, acknowledging that he “laughed [his] ass off” at the 170-plus store closings recently carried out by the beleaguered retailer. “The second they stopped sending out those mailers, I knew they’d never make it. It’s tradition! And what the hell is ‘the softer side of Sears’ anyway? If my good friend Richard [Sears] were not burning in hell, he’d be humiliated at the fool they’ve made him out to be.” The flickering specter then shook his head and stated that he could tell “it was all downhill” for the retailer after it discontinued its popular lines of opiates, home anvils, and powdered remedies to suppress women’s hysteria.

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