Giants Fan Visiting Philadelphia Feels Betrayed By Bud Light Ad For Eagles

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Vol 47 Issue 03

"Late Inning Drama" Episode Guide

Episode 1: Odd Manager Out The Arrows have a new manager, but he's not what he seems. Masters thinks there's a killer on the team, but all his evidence is circumstantial. Meanwhile he's giving up monstrous home runs. Will the team crack their los...

In Memory Of Susan Merriweather

With great regret, we wish to inform you of the death of Onion News Network international reporter Susan Merriweather. Susan, who started at the Onion News Network as Today Now's denim correspondent in 2002 and worked her way up to become one of the netwo...
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TV Listings
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Special Coverage

Productivity

Scientists Posit Theoretical ‘Productive Weekend’

CAMBRIDGE, MA—Challenging long-accepted scientific convention, a group of leading MIT scientists published a report Thursday positing that, under certain rare and specific conditions, a so-called “productive weekend” is theoretically pos...

Comfort

  • The Onion’s Guide To Beach Etiquette

    The arrival of summer means that the nation’s beaches will soon be crowded with swimmers, tanners, surfers, and more, so it’s important for everyone to be conscious of each other’s space and needs. Here are some etiquette tips to ensure that everyone has a safe and relaxing time at the beach:

Giants Fan Visiting Philadelphia Feels Betrayed By Bud Light Ad For Eagles

PHILADELPHIA—New York Giants fan Mark DeLeon, 36, told reporters Monday that he felt shocked, hurt, and betrayed after seeing a billboard stating that Bud Light was also the official beer of the Philadelphia Eagles. "What the hell is this? The Eagles—our division rivals for Christ's sake," said a visibly distraught De≠Leon, adding that at the moment he saw the billboard, he realized all the posters, commercials, and promotional plastic cups pairing the low-calorie lager with his favorite football team were "complete bullshit." "While they're at it, why not just put a stake in my heart and tell me Bud Light is also the official beer of the fucking Red Sox." DeLeon added that he plans to take revenge on the disloyal company by drinking Bud Light Lime.

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