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Sports

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.

Notable Athlete-Branded Products

With sports stars lending their names to everything from furniture to salsa, Onion Sports breaks down some of the most notable athlete-branded products.

MLB Bans Cruel Practice Of Castrating Mascots

NEW YORK—Saying that the “antiquated and barbaric procedure” has no place in modern baseball, MLB commissioner Rob Manfred announced Monday that the league was banning the brutal practice of castrating mascots.

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.
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Giants Inform Titans They Can Hear Post-Game Comments From Other Room

NASHVILLE—According to multiple sources, New York Giants running back Tiki Barber walked over to the Titans locker room and informed a celebrating Tennessee squad that his team could hear "everything" the Titans were saying about the Giants' poor performance following their 24-21 loss. "Listen, it's just not very sportsmanlike to call our quarterback a 'choke artist' and our entire team 'an overpaid bunch of losers,'" Barber said to the Titans, who fell completely silent when Barber first entered the room. "Is this what you guys are about? Kicking a team when they're down? Kind of takes away from all that 'good game' crap and hugging we just did on the field, doesn't it? You should all be ashamed of yourselves." While Barber was delivering his speech, the entire Tennessee squad reportedly failed to suppress laughter, forcing Barber to tell them several times that he was serious and didn't know what was so funny.

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