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MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.
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Giants Move Tom Coughlin To Assisted-Coaching Facility

EAST RUTHERFORD, NJ—Saying that they held off taking such a drastic step for as long as they could, officials from the New York Giants confirmed Wednesday that the team had made the difficult decision to move head coach Tom Coughlin into an assisted-coaching facility. “We know Tom likes his independence, but ultimately we had no choice—at least this way he won’t have to completely stop what he loves doing while still getting the proper supervision and attention he needs,” said offensive coordinator Ben McAdoo, adding that he was hopeful the 69-year-old Coughlin would grow to appreciate the center’s many amenities, including trained staff on-site 24 hours per day ready to help residents read playbooks, review game film, and manage the clock during the fourth quarter. “We all knew this day would eventually come, and even though he was definitely a little hesitant about it, we think it’s for the best. Honestly, it’s a huge relief knowing that there are caretakers always around just in case, God forbid, something awful happens when Tom is trying to call some plays in the middle of a game.” Sources at the facility later confirmed that Giants quarterback Eli Manning has thus far been the only player to have visited Coughlin.


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