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‘The Princess Bride’ By The Numbers

‘The Princess Bride’ was released 30 years ago today, and it has since become a classic beloved by people of all ages. ‘The Onion’ looks back at ‘The Princess Bride’ 30 years later.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

Infographic: 20 Years Of Netflix

Netflix was founded as an online DVD rental service in 1997 and has since evolved into a subscription-based streaming platform with its own slate of original programming. The Onion looks back at the most important moments in the company’s 20-year history.

Musical The Kind With Number About Putting On A Show

TALLAHASSEE, FL—Noting the increasingly animated choreography and behavior of the characters on stage, sources at the Tallahassee Community Theatre reported Friday that this is apparently the kind of musical with a big number about putting on a show.
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Giddy Thom Yorke Goes To Bed Early To Make Grammy Day Get Here Sooner

OXFORD, ENGLAND—So unable to contain his excitement he was nearly squealing aloud with glee, giddy Radiohead frontman Thom Yorke reportedly went to bed as early as he could Saturday night in an effort to make the morning of the Grammy Awards get here sooner. “Grammy day is my favorite day in the whole wide world,” a giggling Yorke said as he eagerly snuggled up beneath his covers, his bedroom strewn with drawings of Grammy statuettes and magazine cutouts of today’s biggest pop superstars. “I get to see all my favorite singers perform on one big stage, and there are bright lights and neat costumes and tons of funny jokes about music. It’s the most fun day ever! I wish I had a time machine so I could make it be Grammy day right now.” According to sources, Yorke then briefly scurried out of bed so he could lay out his Grammy outfit, making sure it was ready to go for the big day.

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Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

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