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Politics

Revelations From Hillary Clinton’s New Memoir

‘What Happened,’ a new memoir detailing the trials and tribulations of Hillary Clinton’s 2016 campaign, was released today, with Clinton supporters and detractors already divided on its contents. Here are some of Hillary’s bombshell revelations:

Joe Arpaio’s Family Surprises Him With Detained Hispanic Motorist

FOUNTAIN HILLS, AZ—In celebration of the dismissal of his conviction for criminal contempt via presidential pardon, Joe Arpaio’s family reportedly sought to surprise the former sheriff Tuesday with a 30-year-old Mexican national whom they detained on suspicion of having entered the country illegally.
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Giddy Tim Kaine Presses Face Against Campaign Bus Window As Horse Trailer Drives By

LIMA, OH—Pointing at the vehicle and shrieking with delight, giddy Democratic vice presidential nominee Tim Kaine reportedly pressed his face against the window of his campaign bus Wednesday to gawk at a passing horse trailer. “Look, look, there’s two horseys!” said Kaine, his eyes widening with excitement and his mouth, nose, and palms leaving large smudges on the glass as he gazed at the pair of thoroughbreds being transported. “Hillary, look! One’s brown and the other’s got spots! Do you think they’re going to a big farm?” At press time, sources confirmed the riled-up Virginia senator was galloping down the center aisle of the bus repeatedly shouting “Neigh!”

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