Gilbert Arenas Claims He Can Play Despite Sore Ankle Part Of Arm

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Vol 44 Issue 17

Badly Injured Man Not Done Partying Yet

BATON ROUGE, LA—Veteran partier Adam Girard was seen pedaling down the street on a neighbor’s bicycle, yelling that he going swimming and that his collarbone was fine.

Snow Moves To CNN

Former Fox News personality and White House press secretary began his stint as a political contributor on CNN this Monday. What do you think?

Commas, Turning Up, Everywhere

WASHINGTON—In the midst of a crisis that may have reached a breaking, point Tuesday afternoon, linguists, and grammarians, everywhere say they...
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Technology Unfortunately Allows Distant Friends To Reconnect

WAYNE, PA—Providing them the tools necessary to bridge a gap that both individuals say they were more than willing to maintain indefinitely, sources confirmed Monday that the advent of modern technology has unfortunately allowed distant friends Mere...

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Gilbert Arenas Claims He Can Play Despite Sore Ankle Part Of Arm

CLEVELAND—Following the Wizards' 30-point loss to the Cavaliers Monday, Washington guard Gilbert Arenas assured reporters that he would play in Game 3 of the series despite severely wrenching his right arm's ankle while fouling LeBron James. "I definitely have some inflammation in the joint between the arm and my shooting foot, but I'm going to ice it and keep my weight off of it for the next couple days," said Arenas, who was limited to seven points in Game 2. "I should be fine, especially since I didn't get a high ankle sprain on the upper part of the arm. Those never heal." Arenas, who has been plagued by injuries recently, missed 69 regular season games after having reconstructive surgery to correct a shoulder separation in his right leg.

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