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Politics

Bill O’Reilly Tearfully Packs Up Framed Up-Skirt Photos From Desk

NEW YORK—Smiling wistfully as he gazed at the cherished mementos that had sat on his desk for much of the past 20 years, former Fox News commentator Bill O’Reilly reportedly grew teary-eyed Thursday as he packed up the framed up-skirt photos from his work space following his termination by the cable channel.

Donald Trump Jr. Takes Son On Hunting Trip In National Zoo

WASHINGTON—In what he referred to as an important rite of passage for his 8-year-old son, Donald John III, Donald Trump Jr. took his eldest boy to the Smithsonian National Zoological Park for his first-ever hunting trip, sources said Wednesday.

Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.
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Gingrich Desperately Trying To Court People-Who-Vote Vote

WASHINGTON—Hoping to gain key wins in today's primaries, Republican presidential candidate Newt Gingrich has adopted a new strategy that targets the crucial people-who-vote demographic, sources confirmed. "Gingrich has repeatedly failed to attract the Americans-who-participate-in-the-electoral-process vote," said Washington-based pollster S. David Pollack, explaining how the former House speaker's lack of support among this segment of the population has hurt his chances of winning the Republican nomination. "He just doesn't really connect with people who pay attention to candidates for public office and then go to a polling place to cast a ballot. Unfortunately for Gingrich, this group makes up roughly 100 percent of likely voters, and is simply too important to ignore." Although the people-who-vote vote is a redoubtable force in American politics, critics claim its power is unfair and disproportionate, as it makes up only a small percentage of the overall population.

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Donald Trump Jr. Takes Son On Hunting Trip In National Zoo

WASHINGTON—In what he referred to as an important rite of passage for his 8-year-old son, Donald John III, Donald Trump Jr. took his eldest boy to the Smithsonian National Zoological Park for his first-ever hunting trip, sources said Wednesday.

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