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Politics

Robert Mueller Driving SUV 100 MPH Down Runway As Air Force One Narrowly Lifts Off

PRINCE GEORGE’S COUNTY, MD—Sending a pair of guards scrambling for safety as he gunned his black SUV through a chain-link gate and onto the tarmac, Robert Mueller, the former FBI director who was recently tapped to lead the ongoing investigation into the Trump campaign’s ties to Russia, chased Air Force One down the runway at Joint Base Andrews moments before takeoff, sources reported Tuesday.

Trump Asks Entire Senate To Clear Out Of Chamber So He Can Speak To Comey Alone

WASHINGTON—Entering through a side door and bidding the assembled legislators, congressional aides, and members of the media to give him a moment with the former FBI director, President Donald Trump reportedly asked the entire Senate to clear the chamber during James Comey’s testimony Thursday so he could speak to him alone.

A Timeline Of The Watergate Scandal

With the White House mired in controversy, comparisons to Washington’s most famous scandal have been common, if not always accurate. Forty-five years after the events leading to Nixon’s resignation, The Onion presents a detailed timeline of the Watergate scandal.
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Gingrich Desperately Trying To Court People-Who-Vote Vote

WASHINGTON—Hoping to gain key wins in today's primaries, Republican presidential candidate Newt Gingrich has adopted a new strategy that targets the crucial people-who-vote demographic, sources confirmed. "Gingrich has repeatedly failed to attract the Americans-who-participate-in-the-electoral-process vote," said Washington-based pollster S. David Pollack, explaining how the former House speaker's lack of support among this segment of the population has hurt his chances of winning the Republican nomination. "He just doesn't really connect with people who pay attention to candidates for public office and then go to a polling place to cast a ballot. Unfortunately for Gingrich, this group makes up roughly 100 percent of likely voters, and is simply too important to ignore." Although the people-who-vote vote is a redoubtable force in American politics, critics claim its power is unfair and disproportionate, as it makes up only a small percentage of the overall population.

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