Girl Dating Star Recruit Thrilled To Learn Auburn Athletic Department Hiring

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Vol 50 Issue 20

Bag Of Flour Has Slave Auction On Front

Scientists politely remind the world that clean energy technology is ready to go whenever, a new study finds most high school graduates are woefully unprepared for high school, and a bag of flour has a slave auction on its front.

Petco To Stop Selling Dog, Cat Treats Made In China

The pet supply retail chain Petco has announced that after the deaths of 1,000 dogs were linked to consuming chicken, duck and jerky treats imported from China, it will cease selling Chinese-made pet treats in its 1,300 stores across the nation.

Levi Strauss CEO: Stop Washing Your Jeans

Speaking at a sustainability conference Tuesday, Levi Strauss CEO Chip Bergh told consumers that washing jeans is an unnecessary process that wastes water, and instead recommended placing jeans in the freezer to kill germs.
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Girl Dating Star Recruit Thrilled To Learn Auburn Athletic Department Hiring

AUBURN, AL—Explaining that the opportunity is simply too good to pass up, 18-year-old Kendra Howard, who is currently dating one of the country's most coveted high school quarterbacks, expressed her excitement to reporters Friday upon learning of a new employment opening that just happened to become available at Auburn University’s athletic department. “They just approached me out of nowhere, but it’s perfect timing since I’m about to graduate high school and could really use a good job,” said Howard, adding that the 30-hour-a-week salaried position comes with a 401(k) plan and a generous benefits package. “They didn’t really mention what I would be doing, but they said that I’m exactly what they’re looking for and that I’d be a great fit for the position. And the best part is I’ll be on the same campus as Brian once he starts practice in the summer, which is such a lucky coincidence.” Howard added that she is also looking forward to seeing the familiar face of her boyfriend’s high school football coach, who will reportedly be joining the Tigers as their new quality control specialist in the fall.

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