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MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.
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Girl Dating Star Recruit Thrilled To Learn Auburn Athletic Department Hiring

AUBURN, AL—Explaining that the opportunity is simply too good to pass up, 18-year-old Kendra Howard, who is currently dating one of the country's most coveted high school quarterbacks, expressed her excitement to reporters Friday upon learning of a new employment opening that just happened to become available at Auburn University’s athletic department. “They just approached me out of nowhere, but it’s perfect timing since I’m about to graduate high school and could really use a good job,” said Howard, adding that the 30-hour-a-week salaried position comes with a 401(k) plan and a generous benefits package. “They didn’t really mention what I would be doing, but they said that I’m exactly what they’re looking for and that I’d be a great fit for the position. And the best part is I’ll be on the same campus as Brian once he starts practice in the summer, which is such a lucky coincidence.” Howard added that she is also looking forward to seeing the familiar face of her boyfriend’s high school football coach, who will reportedly be joining the Tigers as their new quality control specialist in the fall.

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