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Study: Anxiety Resolved By Thinking About It Real Hard

Potentially offering hope to millions of Americans struggling with psychological and emotional problems, a study published this week in The New England Journal Of Medicine found that test subjects were capable of fully resolving their anxiety by thinking ...

Mom In Nightgown Mode

APPLETON, WI—Noting that the changeover occurred “right on schedule” after she had finished the dishes and watched TV for an hour or two, family sources confirmed Monday night that local mom Linda Rampling had officially transitioned into nightgown mode.

Car Rolls Up To Stoplight Blasting Google Maps Directions

HOUSTON—Attracting the attention of adjacent motorists and nearby pedestrians who turned their heads to see where the booming noise was coming from, a 2006 Ford Focus is said to have rolled up to a local stoplight Friday blaring Google Maps directions.

34-Year-Old Asks For Big Piece

MADISON, WI—Directing the server to the large square in the corner, local 34-year-old Matthew Hinke asked for a big piece of cake during a workplace birthday party, sources confirmed Tuesday.
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Girl From Coffee Shop Seen At Bar With Guy From Record Store

OLYMPIA, WA–Marissa Quirk, 21, that girl from the coffee shop, was spotted Monday at McCoy's Tavern with Greg Clarke, 23, the good-looking hipster guy from the record store. "I go into Crazee Espresso and Rainy Day Records a lot, so when I saw them at McCoy's together, I was like, 'It figures they know each other,'" said Dan Duckett, 22, who has long harbored a crush on Quirk. "It reminded me of that time I saw the guy from the vintage-clothing store with the cute girl who always announces the bands in the student union."

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