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Report: Grandpa Just Walks Like That Now

CULVER CITY, CA—According to family sources, the prominent limp displayed by local grandpa Marvin Adelstein on Tuesday is indicative of the fact that he just walks like that now.

Family Moves Elderly Aunt Into Subconscious

RIO RANCHO, NM—After months spent deliberating the best option for their family, members of the Cooper household decided on Monday to move their elderly aunt Joyce Reynolds into their collective subconscious.

Wife Dropping Hints She Ready To Have Second Husband

LA JOLLA, CA—Noticing a sudden change in her demeanor and attentiveness when around young married men, sources confirmed Tuesday that area woman Michelle Roderick was beginning to drop hints that she wanted to try for a second husband.
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Girl Slept With For Her Sake

TULSA, OK—University of Tulsa sophomore Ben Stoll was gracious enough to sleep with third-year law student Rosie Andriessen Monday. "Rosie had been acting insecure and needy all evening, so I figured I'd help her out a bit," said Stoll, who met Andriessen last year through common friends. "She probably thinks she's too chubby. It must be a big boost for her to have sex with a guy like me." Stoll decided not to call Andriessen the next day, nor to return any calls she might make, so as not to get her hopes up.

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Family Moves Elderly Aunt Into Subconscious

RIO RANCHO, NM—After months spent deliberating the best option for their family, members of the Cooper household decided on Monday to move their elderly aunt Joyce Reynolds into their collective subconscious.

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