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Report: Grandpa Just Walks Like That Now

CULVER CITY, CA—According to family sources, the prominent limp displayed by local grandpa Marvin Adelstein on Tuesday is indicative of the fact that he just walks like that now.

Family Moves Elderly Aunt Into Subconscious

RIO RANCHO, NM—After months spent deliberating the best option for their family, members of the Cooper household decided on Monday to move their elderly aunt Joyce Reynolds into their collective subconscious.

Wife Dropping Hints She Ready To Have Second Husband

LA JOLLA, CA—Noticing a sudden change in her demeanor and attentiveness when around young married men, sources confirmed Tuesday that area woman Michelle Roderick was beginning to drop hints that she wanted to try for a second husband.
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Girlfriend Loves Spending 'Alone Time' With You

SAGINAW, MI—According to your girlfriend, your request for some "alone time" this afternoon sounds fantastic, and she'd love nothing more than to do that with you. "We could go to the farmers market, or even just read in the park together," your girlfriend said. "Or we could go on a long walk by ourselves. This is great—we haven't had any alone time in months." Sources close to your girlfriend said she has already contacted two other couples she knows, to see if they're free to do a small alone-time thing around 8 p.m.

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Family Moves Elderly Aunt Into Subconscious

RIO RANCHO, NM—After months spent deliberating the best option for their family, members of the Cooper household decided on Monday to move their elderly aunt Joyce Reynolds into their collective subconscious.

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