adBlockCheck

Sports

MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.
End Of Section
  • More News

Girlfriend Wants To Leave Game Now

BOSTON—According to eyewitness reports, Jennifer Holleman, 25, wants to leave the game now despite the difficulty and expense of obtaining tickets, the strong playoff implications of the contest, and the fact that the final result of the hotly contested tie game is still in doubt. "Are you still watching this? Or can we leave soon?" Holleman asked boyfriend Ian Pickett, who had been looking forward to the game for weeks and had in fact initially invited his best friend before finally being coerced by Holleman to bring her instead. "Let's go watch a movie or something. Or I could call Liz and Michelle and meet up at a bar that's playing the game there.Then you could still watch the end of the game. We've been here for an hour already and no one's even winning." Earlier in the evening, Pickett had missed the only scoring of the once-in-a-lifetime sporting epic while waiting in line at the gift shop to purchase a pink version of the home team's hat.

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close