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Politics

Bill O’Reilly Tearfully Packs Up Framed Up-Skirt Photos From Desk

NEW YORK—Smiling wistfully as he gazed at the cherished mementos that had sat on his desk for much of the past 20 years, former Fox News commentator Bill O’Reilly reportedly grew teary-eyed Thursday as he packed up the framed up-skirt photos from his work space following his termination by the cable channel.

Donald Trump Jr. Takes Son On Hunting Trip In National Zoo

WASHINGTON—In what he referred to as an important rite of passage for his 8-year-old son, Donald John III, Donald Trump Jr. took his eldest boy to the Smithsonian National Zoological Park for his first-ever hunting trip, sources said Wednesday.

Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.
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Giuliani Spotted Sleeping On New York City Subway

NEW YORK—According to witnesses, former New York City mayor and one-time favorite for the Republican presidential nomination Rudolph Giuliani was seen slumped over and asleep on the Coney Island-bound F train late Tuesday night, as well as on the return Queens-bound F train early Wednesday morning.

Giuliani does not notice onlookers.

Giuliani, once a beloved New York figure who earned the nickname "America's Mayor," was wearing a faded New York Yankees jacket and a dirty FDNY cap pulled down over his eyes.

"Everyone was sitting on the opposite side of the train because there was a real bad smell coming from his side," said passenger Melissa Humber, who witnessed Giuliani lying across three seats and using a rolled-up New York Post as a pillow. "He seemed to jolt awake when a homeless guy started ranting about 9/11, but then he just sighed and went back to sleep." Giuliani was last spotted shaving in a New York Public Library bathroom.

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