adBlockCheck

Politics

John Kerry Throws Vine Over Pit Of Quicksand To Save Child Companion

PANGSAU, MYANMAR—Thinking quickly to thwart disaster as he ventured deep into the Myanmar rainforest to meet with State Councilor Aung San Suu Kyi, Secretary of State John Kerry threw a vine over a pit of quicksand to save the life of his 12-year-old Moroccan companion, Drumstick, sources confirmed Monday.

Can Trump Follow Through On His Campaign Promises?

President-elect Donald Trump made a variety of lofty promises during his campaign as part of a pledge to “make America great again.” The Onion looks at several of these promises and evaluates whether Trump will be willing or able to follow through on them.

What You Need To Know About The Dakota Access Pipeline

Construction is currently stalled on the Dakota Access Pipeline, which would connect North Dakota’s Bakken Shale development to oil tank farms in Illinois, by protests led by members of the Standing Rock Sioux tribe. The Onion provides answers to key questions about the project.

What Can Americans Expect Under A Trump Presidency?

With two months until the inauguration of Donald Trump, many Americans are wondering what his term will look like and what his administration might accomplish. The Onion answers some common questions about Trump’s upcoming presidency

James Comey Quickly Reopens Clinton Email Investigation For Few More Minutes

‘Nope, Looks Like It’s All Good Here,’ Says FBI Director

WASHINGTON—In a letter addressed to Congress that was quickly followed by a second message retracting the first, FBI director James Comey is said to have briefly reopened the investigation into Hillary Clinton’s emails for several more minutes Friday.

Pollsters Admit They Underestimated Voters’ Adrenal Glands

WASHINGTON—In response to widespread criticism that they had failed to predict Donald Trump’s victory in the 2016 election, analysts from polling organizations around the nation admitted Thursday they had underestimated the influence of voters’ adrenal glands on the presidential race.
End Of Section
  • More News

Glenn Beck - The Lone Voice Of Reason In An Age Of Hysteria

 Personality

In what has increasingly become an era defined by pandemonium, rancor, and blind ignorance, one stabilizing voice emerged from the din this year to soothe the souls of Americans everywhere, make us recognize the common decency that binds us all, and supplant the poisonous aura of fear and chaos with a simple, well-thought-out message of peace, prosperity, and reconciliation.

That man is television and syndicated radio host Glenn Beck.

Every single day of 2010, Beck's quiet words of humility and reason have touched the hearts of all Americans, healing countless wounds and elevating the level of our national discourse. Indeed, just as Martin Luther King, Jr.—to whom Beck has so aptly and correctly compared himself—once showed the nation the way forward to compassion and civility, so have Beck's stunningly eloquent broadcasts, inspiring political rallies, and bestselling books reassured every living citizen that we are all joined by the same ever-beating heart of kindness, and that gentler roads lie ahead if we could all just settle down, lower our voices, and focus on solving the actual, meaningful problems of our world together.

For in these troubled times of rising unemployment, political infighting, anger, and persecution, America needs a man who can put the issues in perspective and bring us comfort; a man who cares not about race, creed, sexual orientation, or party affiliation; a man who sees beyond petty political maneuverings, emotional exploitation, greed, and opportunism; a man who encourages all of us to disregard the ceaseless clamor of ideologues and think for ourselves; a man who sees beyond his own ego and cares only for what is good and right and just. In short, it needs a man like Glenn Lee Beck.

Thank God for Glenn Beck and all he has done. After all, what would our country be like if not for him?

WATCH VIDEO FROM THE ONION

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close