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A Timeline Of The EPA

A recently introduced House bill that would dissolve the Environmental Protection Agency questions the value of what this agency does and what its goals are. The Onion provides a timeline of the EPA’s 47-year history:

Man Either Sick Or Just At End Of Workday

CINCINNATI—Overwhelmed by a wave of fatigue, local man Will Markowski told reporters Tuesday that he was uncertain whether he was getting sick or if it was just the end of a normal workday.

A Timeline Of Abraham Lincoln’s Life

Every February, people across the the nation celebrate the legacy of Abraham Lincoln, widely considered to be one of America’s finest presidents. The Onion provides a timeline of the key moments in President Lincoln’s life:
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Go-Getter Eliminates Two Steps From Grieving Process

CORNING, CA—Management consultant and recent widower Greg Pier successfully cut his grieving time by more than a third Friday by eliminating bargaining and depression from the mourning process following the death of his wife. "After three days in denial and a full night of anger, I realized that at that rate, I was never going to get over [wife] Betty's passing," said Pier, who convinced himself it was time to move on with his life after a simple cost-benefit analysis. "What am I supposed to do, mope around all day asking God to take me instead?" Piers noted that his intense grief should be even less time-consuming given his plans to avoid explaining to his children where their mother went.

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