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Sports

Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.

Sixth Super Bowl Win Continues To Elude Patriots

HOUSTON—As disappointed players and coaches returned to the locker room following the end of Super Bowl LI, members of the New England Patriots acknowledged to reporters Sunday that the team’s sixth Super Bowl title continues to elude them.

Greatest Super Bowl Halftime Shows

The Super Bowl halftime show is a long tradition as occasionally exciting as the game itself. The Onion takes a look back at the all-time greatest Super Bowl halftime shows.

NFL Loses Rights To ‘Super Bowl’

NEW YORK—After failing to agree to terms for a new licensing agreement before the February 3 deadline, the NFL lost the rights to the term “Super Bowl” on Friday, sources confirmed.
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Goalkeeper Announces Plans To Frantically Wave And Yell At Teammates Before Corner Kicks

RECIFE, BRAZIL—In a surprising disclosure of tactics before his team’s World Cup match against Germany, U.S. goalkeeper Tim Howard announced Thursday that he will frantically wave his arms around and yell at teammates prior to any corner kick. “As soon as everyone is in the box, I’ll just start pointing at various opposing players while screaming at my defenders with one hand cupped around my mouth,” said Howard, stressing that he will also yell “Hey!” repeatedly while gesturing toward anyone not being marked tightly by a U.S. player. “I’ll also try to shove away any guys from the other team crowding me at the goal line, before eventually running out and trying to punch the ball away as hard as I can. And I will repeat this process for every single corner kick in the match.” Howard refused to confirm his plans for any free kicks on his goal, but hinted that they may involve leaning on the goalpost and repeatedly pointing either left or right while staring at his wall of defenders.

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