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Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

‘FanSided’ Ranks All 128 NFL Teams

NEW YORK—As part of its comprehensive professional football coverage in anticipation of the upcoming season, sports news site ‘FanSided’ published an article Tuesday ranking all 128 NFL teams.
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Goalkeeper Announces Plans To Frantically Wave And Yell At Teammates Before Corner Kicks

RECIFE, BRAZIL—In a surprising disclosure of tactics before his team’s World Cup match against Germany, U.S. goalkeeper Tim Howard announced Thursday that he will frantically wave his arms around and yell at teammates prior to any corner kick. “As soon as everyone is in the box, I’ll just start pointing at various opposing players while screaming at my defenders with one hand cupped around my mouth,” said Howard, stressing that he will also yell “Hey!” repeatedly while gesturing toward anyone not being marked tightly by a U.S. player. “I’ll also try to shove away any guys from the other team crowding me at the goal line, before eventually running out and trying to punch the ball away as hard as I can. And I will repeat this process for every single corner kick in the match.” Howard refused to confirm his plans for any free kicks on his goal, but hinted that they may involve leaning on the goalpost and repeatedly pointing either left or right while staring at his wall of defenders.

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