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What To Watch For In The New Obi-Wan Kenobi Film

Disney has announced they are in the early stages of developing a stand-alone ‘Star Wars’ film focused on the adventures of Jedi master Obi-Wan Kenobi. Here’s what fans can expect to see in the upcoming release.

Man In Center Of Political Spectrum Under Impression He Less Obnoxious

MT. VERNON, OH—Loudly explaining to anyone within earshot that both the left and right were ruining the level of discourse in this country, Jesse Levin, a man firmly in the center of the political spectrum, is under the impression that he is less obnoxious than those with more partisan viewpoints, sources reported Friday.
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God Planning To Get Rid Of Harsh Shadows By Adding Second Sun

THE HEAVENS—Saying the additional light source would help soften the often stark look of the earthly realm, God, Our Holy Father, told reporters Monday that He was planning to add a second sun to eliminate some harsh shadows that have been bothering him. “I think just one more sun on the other side of the sky should resolve most of these glare and contrast issues I’m having,” said the Almighty, adding that the second sun need not burn as brightly as the original if it’s only being used as fill. “Maybe I’ll even manifest a third sun, so we can get a nice three-point system going with a backlight as well. I mean, I’d still like to preserve some of the dramatic light-to-dark transitions I’ve got with canyons and mountain ranges, but this extra illumination will really give me much more control overall.” At press time, to help Him regulate the suns and achieve exactly the effects He wanted, the Lord had created two additional moons to serve as reflectors.

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