Recent News

What To Watch For In The New Obi-Wan Kenobi Film

Disney has announced they are in the early stages of developing a stand-alone ‘Star Wars’ film focused on the adventures of Jedi master Obi-Wan Kenobi. Here’s what fans can expect to see in the upcoming release.

Man In Center Of Political Spectrum Under Impression He Less Obnoxious

MT. VERNON, OH—Loudly explaining to anyone within earshot that both the left and right were ruining the level of discourse in this country, Jesse Levin, a man firmly in the center of the political spectrum, is under the impression that he is less obnoxious than those with more partisan viewpoints, sources reported Friday.
End Of Section
  • More News

God Recalls Collaborating On Joint Vision Of Humanity With Deceased Creative Partner

THE HEAVENS—Saying He never could have completed such an ambitious project all on His own, God Almighty, Maker of Heaven and Earth, recalled Tuesday how He collaborated with fellow divinity Kryzok, Lord of Zogsoth, to create humans. “Kryzok was the one who could see the big picture and knew how to pull everything together into a cohesive organism—I was just the guy tinkering around in a big pile of flesh and bones trying to figure out how we could make arms and legs and nervous systems work,” God said of His late creative collaborator, who passed away in 3759 B.C., reportedly still despondent over mankind’s Fall and subsequent banishment from the Garden of Eden. “But we shared the same vision of what we wanted to accomplish with human beings, even if we came at it from different angles. My first prototype had like five heads and wasn’t even bipedal, but Kryzok brilliantly streamlined everything and shaped it into the product everyone knows and loves today.” Noting that His collaborator also had a great sense of humor and was always pulling pranks, God went on to say that the idea for the human excretory system actually began as a long-running inside joke between the two friends.

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.