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Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Benny The Bull Busted For Possession Of Unlicensed T-Shirt Gun

CHICAGO—Noting that the suspect had been taken into custody after officers managed to tackle and wrestle the individual to the ground of the United Center concourse, police confirmed Monday that Chicago Bulls mascot Benny the Bull was arrested for possession of an unlicensed T-shirt gun.

Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.
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God Savoring Vast Array Of Cubs-Cursing Options

CHICAGO—God, the divine creator and omnipotent deity, held a press conference Tuesday to discuss the infinite ways in which He could curse the postseason hopes of His least favorite baseball team, the Chicago Cubs.

"I might go with an inopportune rainout or the classic error on a routine play. Or maybe I'll mess with the lights during a huge play in Game 7—that could be interesting," said God, who added that when it came to the Cubs, it was nice to stop moving in mysterious ways and take the direct-intervention approach for once. "My prophet Steve Bartman will certainly be a tough act to follow, but trust Me: Anything can happen. And let's just say that for the centennial celebration, it will be huge." When asked about His plans for mankind, God said He would "probably" allow our free will to decide the issue.

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