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Pros And Cons Of The Gig Economy

Americans are increasingly using on-demand services, both as workers and consumers. Here are the major benefits and drawbacks of the gig economy.

Frontier Airlines Tells Customers To Just Fucking Deal With It

‘You’re Uncomfortable For A Few Hours And Then You Get To Be Somewhere Else,’ Says CEO

DENVER—Noting that some discomfort should be expected while traveling to a faraway place in just a few goddamn hours, officials from ultra-low-cost carrier Frontier Airlines reportedly told customers Thursday to just fucking deal with it.

Top Family Vacation Spots

With school out for the summer, families are packing up and hitting the road. Here are The Onion’s top family vacation destinations.
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God Seeking To Crack Down On Souls Smuggling Drugs Into Heaven

THE HEAVENS—Following a wave of high-profile angelic overdoses, the Lord, Our Heavenly Father, announced on Monday a massive crackdown on drugs being smuggled into heaven, purportedly by entering souls. “We’re not entirely certain how this garbage is getting in here, but we’re going to find out and put a stop to it,” said God, referring to the roughly 700 tons of heroin and other narcotics being trafficked into Eternal Paradise and affecting every level of the angelic hierarchy, including reports of at least three archangels succumbing to opioid addiction. “St. Peter’s gate is going to be a key security point, and Peter has been informed that stopping the flow of drugs is now his top priority; to that end, entering souls should expect significant delays for the foreseeable future.” God acknowledged, however, that even these measures would do little against the methamphetamine that can be manufactured using ingredients easily available throughout the heavenly realm.

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Frontier Airlines Tells Customers To Just Fucking Deal With It

‘You’re Uncomfortable For A Few Hours And Then You Get To Be Somewhere Else,’ Says CEO

DENVER—Noting that some discomfort should be expected while traveling to a faraway place in just a few goddamn hours, officials from ultra-low-cost carrier Frontier Airlines reportedly told customers Thursday to just fucking deal with it.

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