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The Pros And Cons Of Gene Editing

Recent advancements in gene editing have introduced a number of exciting possibilities for human advancement and raised difficult ethical questions. The Onion breaks down the pros and cons of gene editing.

Tips For Back-To-School Shopping

As kids prepare to go back to school, parents are tasked with providing all the supplies and clothes they’ll need for the year. Here are The Onion’s tips for tackling back-to-school shopping.

Report: Sky Normal Today

WASHINGTON—Informing citizens there really wasn’t anything special going on up there, the nation’s scientists confirmed the sky is normal today.
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God Shuts Down Andromeda Galaxy

INNER DISK, ANDROMEDA GALAXY—Thanking the spiral-shaped celestial body for its 6.8 billion years of tireless service, Our Lord and Divine Creator announced Thursday His "very difficult decision" to close down the Andromeda galaxy for good. "Nobody ever wants to have to do something like this, but operating Andromeda on a daily basis has grown impractical and I can't in good conscience keep it going," God said of the incomprehensibly massive nebula, which is home to more than 1 trillion stars and an untold number of planetary objects. "So much has changed since I brought it into being, and to be honest, it's just not working out the way I'd hoped." A spokesman for the Supreme Being issued an apology to Andromeda's 750 quadrillion resident life-forms, who as of midnight Eastern Time on May 15 will cease to exist.

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