Every February, people across the the nation celebrate the legacy of Abraham Lincoln, widely considered to be one of America’s finest presidents. The Onion provides a timeline of the key moments in President Lincoln’s life:
LANCASTER, CATest data on superconductivity in aligned-crystal bismuth-mercury ceramics failed to support physicist Charles Antonini's carefully-fucking-conceived hypothesis, he told the journal Nature yesterday. "It seems the goddamn math is correct, so I obviously must not have taken other motherfucking factors into account," said Antonini, who had dedicated the past nine years of his life to "solving the cunt of an obstacle to miniature supercomputers." An unexpurgated account of Antonini's studies in cryomatrix crystallography will be published in the journal Cock-Sucking Science.