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Listen, Area Boss Gets It

PHILADELPHIA—Readily admitting that everything you’re saying makes a lot of sense, Greenwave Media accounts manager Bryan Mellis confirmed on Wednesday that he totally gets it.

Man Hoping Game Gets Out Of Hand So He Can Do Something Else

DENVER—Settling into his apartment’s cramped living room to watch the midday game, local man Garrett Neubauer told reporters Wednesday that he hoped the televised baseball game between the Colorado Rockies and the San Francisco Giants would get out of hand soon so he could do something else.
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Going Out To Dinner With Food-Loving Friend A Huge Ordeal

SEATTLE—Going out to dinner with 41-year-old self-described gourmand David Loomis has become a massive, aggravating ordeal, exasperated friends confirmed Monday. "Once we can finally settle on a restaurant that's 'authentic' enough for Dave, he will pretty much exclusively talk about how certain things are prepared or the chef's career up until that point rather than have an actual conversation with the people at the table," said best friend Henry Tan, 39, who has been chastised by Loomis on no fewer than four occasions for mispronouncing the names of ethnic dishes. "Most times, he won't even let you order what you want, and instead you have to get some weird thing that a particular place is 'known for'—not that I've ever seen Dave served anything that he didn't have some huge problem with." Tan added that he thought the traditional Japanese ramen Loomis recently forced him to try after waiting more than two hours for a table at a new restaurant was "pretty good" and not the "bland, pedestrian trainwreck" the intense lover of food described.

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